Each of the major crises in my life was caused by a simple challenge that I have always faced. Every business owner that I know faces exactly that same challenge. We simply don't know how to say "NO" properly. It's not something we learn at school [although every girl I ever asked out for a date knew the word rather well!]

Harvey Mackay once wrote "Say "NO" until your tongue bleeds!" As long as you're saying "NO" you can't get into trouble and you can't over-commit. Yet we all manage to get ourselves involved in a bunch of ludicrous, time consuming, embarrassing, and otherwise uncomfortable situations - because we didn't say No. We're scared that friends, colleagues and even complete strangers might think we're less than wonderful people. And if you've ever tried saying "NO" to your Mom, then you know how difficult it really can be.

As an initial idea, may I suggest a quick, effective way to say "NO" when someone wants your time? Simply buy time for yourself. "Let me check my diary and I'll get back to you." Or "Let me check with my partner/husband/colleague and I'll get back to you." This allows you time to think about whether you really do want to meet with this person - and makes it easier to find something else to be doing at that time!

Why is this important? In my case - whenever I didn't say no I put myself into situations where I shouldn't have been. And then things happened to me that led to crises. My medical career [only 2 years into medical school] ended when I went to visit a delightful young lady [that I shouldn't have been visiting] and was put into hospital by a drunk driver. In hospital I was stuck between 2 motorcycle victims who had been there for almost a year - having broken virtually every bone possible. Three days later I knew I would never have the stamina to listen to other people's medical problems every day for the rest of my life. End of medical career!

We're all too busy. Usually because we don't say "NO" to enough stuff. Whatever happened to planning time to spend by yourself? Diarising to watch a movie; or sitting on a rock naked all morning just watching the sea [tried that a while ago and came back feeling alive again]; or going fishing on a Tuesday afternoon; or going to work late tomorrow so you can surprise your lover with a Wimpy breakfast? Try saying "NO" to some of the nonsense and get some time back for yourself.

I'd like to write another 20 pages on this subject - but I am going to say No. If you want to get a few lifeskills on this subject and want to know how to say "NO" to requests for money; how to say "NO" to invitations and dates; how to say "NO" to family and friends; how to say "NO" to kids; and how to say "NO" to high-maintenance people - invest in the book "How to say "NO" without feeling guilty…" by Patti Breitman & Connie Hatch. It's the best book on the subject that I have ever read, and it has revolutionised my approach to life and business - and it has bought me more free hours than I can count. You can find it at Exclusive Books or Amazon.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a rock at Rooi Els that needs my attention…

© Peter Carruthers, www.petesweekly.co.za

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